Sebenarnya, tak susah masak untuk Suami

(Translation of Title: Actually, it is not difficult to cook for your Husband)

I remember how it is with drama Melayu all the time, the husband refused to eat dinner because what the wife cooked wasn’t what he wanted to eat. Then you have the wife who had to ask the husband what he wanted to eat EVERY TIME. Of course, we remember the time where he scolded her for NOT COOKING AT ALL. Or the times when she was sick and unable do much but the husband still expected her to prepare a meal. However, it wasn’t as bad as expecting the ill wife to prepare him drinks when he returned from work (when honestly it should be the way round…).

Now, this isn’t I-Hate-Husbands post, but what I want to talk about here is this culture we have in Malaysia. It is the mindset that ‘A Woman’s Place is in the Kitchen’.

Clingy Sick Baby

I f**king hate that and I’m not apologising for the use of foul language here because it’s true. This is a horrible, rubbish culture we have in our country that does not discriminate in race or religion. Technically nearly all Malaysians are in the opinion that wives MUST AND ABOVE ALL ELSE live, eat, breathe, sleep KITCHEN. MAID. SLAVERY.

Now, I’m not that great of a wife myself. I can remember all the times my husband had not been happy with me (which is most of the time to tell you the truth) and the other countless moments he did not ‘redha’ with what I was doing. So, here I am writing this, not because I am the World’s Best Wife that my opinion is gold, but as any other woman on this planet who has to succumb to this mindset.

I simply do not agree that a woman’s place is solely in the kitchen or at home as a homemaker. I believe that woman can choose what they want to do – to be a homemaker, a career woman, to cook or not to cook, to hire a maid if she wants to or send her kids to daycare while she gets her nails manicured. It doesn’t make her any less of a woman for whatever choices she chooses to make. Women should be given more credit – especially here in Malaysia.

Growing up, my mother had taught me how to manage a home, which I take pride in. At least I CAN cook, clean and wash. But I was never taught that I had to submit to mens’ every demand. Especially when it comes to cooking. When I was little, I used to spend my evenings at a friend’s. Even at that age, she was to always attend to her father and brother’s needs – fetching them drinks or random things, all while she was preparing dinner or cleaning the house. Things they are totally capable of doing themselves – seeing she was busy doing something else.

Tak, memang tak susah. It’s really not hard to cook at all! But it’s really hard when you have to attend to unnecessary demands. By far what I had come across –

  • cook whatever their husband wants to eat
  • do it all when they are ill
  • refuse to help themselves
  • husbands do not want to eat their cooking for whatever idiotic reason
  • not helping with the kids when wife are busy with chores
  • not wanting to eat once the food is kept overnight in the fridge etc

(seriously, very like our drama Melayu)

Now, my father ate whatever my mother cooked. Yes, he needed at least something watery like soup or gravy at every meal, but it did not matter what version it was. And my father would cook it himself if he wanted something out of ordinary and mum doesn’t know how to cook it. Even if he wanted something else, he would go get it at the restaurant. No, mum did not have to ask him everyday what he wanted to eat for dinner. She just made anything edible!

That’s just it! We can’t do it all!!

I swear women are made out of something that they are capable of withstanding so much from pregnancy, birth, raising children, taking care of household chores and having a career. I even understand those who choose to have a career instead! I am a SAHM mum and studying full-time and I’m so glad my mother is around to help with babysitting and the house!

Here’s the thing. Women would do a lot more given the time and condition. And perhaps with a little appreciation and help as well.

Clingy Baby in The Kitchen

It’s really not impossible to attend to some things yourself. If you feel that you can’t and must rely on your wife, then I don’t suppose you are ready to be a parent either – it’s double the responsibilities! I don’t quite understand why men rely on their wives so much to the extend they become lazy, incapable adults. Don’t defend yourself by saying that women should do it because we get pahala.

Don’t start with this ‘kumpul pahala’ thing with me. I honestly believe that men have their share of ‘pahala’ to collect as well. You dare tell me that wives MUST do all this because they need to get pahala?? I pretty much believe if you help your busy wives YOU’LL be getting the pahala!

Well that pretty much ended up as a ranting post eventually. But hell, if all else fails:

Men – get a maid.

Women – find another husband.

Looking at dinner because the husband wanted Nasi Ayam instead 😂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 comments

  1. so, makan tak the food? I’m here crying tengok.

    Like

  2. Atiqah Sulaiman · · Reply

    I agree with you 1000%! Growing up in a Malay family with Nenek so strict on protocols, I really felt like a bit if a maid. Everything to serving drinks, setting up the table, washing the dishes etc must be done by the ladies in the house. (also, you know how much i hate serving that one particular uncle of mine)

    I think this somehow, kinda changed my perspective in marriage – especially now that most of my cousins are married and I see how they have to freaking served their husbands EVERYTHING! I just..smh.

    You’re right, husbands who helped out around the house gain pahala too. Even the Prophet helped his wife so I really don’t understand this housechores = woman ideology.

    That being said, hopefully this gender specification issue when it comes to basic daily life will be nonexistent for the future generation.

    Good post, love it!

    Like

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