What is it like being divorced after being married for nearly 8 years?

What is it like being divorced after I was married for nearly 8 years, you ask?

I’m still trying to get use to it. Eight years of being with someone is a long time of habits and developing comfort zones. Suddenly breaking out of that mould and being ridden with all sorts of responsibilities and things to do can be quite overwhelming.

For now it may seem like I’m totally winging single parenting as you are all seeing on Instagram, but truly I am in fact struggling. Does it look like it? Maybe.

So here are points on what it’s like being divorced after being married for nearly 8 years.

1. Its tough. 

Of course it would be! I was practically living comfortably for that long without having to care much about anything at all. All of a sudden out of the blue I don’t only have to care for myself but for my son; I now have to think about paying rent, putting food on the table, planning work around school and at the same time trying to find time for myself to keep sane! It’s pretty overwhelming! Which brings me to my next point.

2. I am happier. 

I was probably unhappy for quite some time. Life has been pretty much a roller coaster – with bits of happiness here and there. It wasn’t all that bad, of course. There were some happy times too. But right now, I feel carefree and more in control of myself.

3. I feel free. 

I think this was one of the best feelings ever! I knew I was never going to make him happy. It was tiring. I was so relieved and I felt as if the weight just left my shoulders. No more of all those tiresome emotions. It has ended.

4. I am uncertain about the future.

There is a lot of uncertainty for sure. Will I be an adequate mom? Will I be able to sustain us? Provide for us? Will my business ever be enough? Will I ever find a man again? Will he want me now that I have a son? What if I never get married again? Will I ever have kids again?And you know how women think too much! Eventually it all balls down to what I wanted for myself. Would I rather stay unhappy or live life to the fullest and embrace all that uncertainty when it comes?

5. I no longer have to anticipate outcomes.

I used to be really on edge. I wasn’t exactly the obedient wife! I used to anticipate what would happen or how he would react every time and I was often on edge, or having anxiety if I was going to trigger him again for whatever reason.

6. It takes time to forget. 

Obviously seven over years is a lot of memories. It would be hard or nearly impossible to even forget everything. But you will get over it. And you accept that not everything will be forgotten. Some memories would linger and sometimes, it will be triggered again. But most importantly, one must let go of the past. If you don’t and only think about the what ifs and what could have happened, you will regret your mistakes and life choices for a long time to come and this could mean trouble in your next relationship.

6. I HATE PEOPLE

This was really the hardest part about it too. People are just shit sometimes. They pretend they care but truly they don’t. But you know what? They don’t matter. No one else matters. Only the ones who picked you up and were there for you. So thank you my friends and family who have been very understanding and supportive.

7. I try to accept.

I believe very strongly in this and I think this is the foundation of why I am taking it with grace and faith. I believe it’s all God’s plan. And who are we to question? To lament, be bitter and angry with God is only a defiance of the Pillar of Iman – Qadha & Qadar: Decree & Destiny. I may not be a pious Muslim, but taking a step in accepting His plans with less resistance instead of trying to take everything into my own hands was liberating.

I wasn’t ideal or perfect either and I’m sure he has a lot to say about how lack of a person or wife I was too. I always felt that I wasn’t the adequate stepmom, or the perfect daughter in law.

Manusia sentiasa berdosa. Sentiasa tak perfect. Wallahualam.

9 comments

  1. Julia Asyikin · · Reply

    Kakak. You’re so strong and bold too. I have been following you since your first post in YouTube. Stay strong k.

    Like

  2. Salam dear
    I know u r hurt…:(
    May Allah ease ur pain …

    Like

  3. Stay strong ! I followed u on ig. May Allah guide you through the hardship and give u abudance of Joy and Berkah ❤️❤️

    Like

  4. kakak anthira · · Reply

    Everything happen for a reason. You are exactly where according Allah’s plan. I pray the best for both of you. Love Allah, do everything for the sake of Allah and with Allah’s willing, you will be happy because happiness is already in you.hugs.

    P/s: sebenarnya, saya stalker ig Mishael dan Kapt.ZZ. Sangat terkejut apabila tahu both of u divorced. For me, Mishael dan Kapt ZZ perfect couple dari segi luaran. Satu pengajaran to me as a single lady and this is my whatsapp status selepas dapat berita tersebut.

    ❤Melihat perjalanan rakan sebaya yang baru bercerai walaupun pada pandangan kita dia serba serbi lengkap dan sempurna. Ternyata hidup ini penuh rahsia dan kejutan. Bersyukur dan terus bersyukur dengan apa yang Allah berikan kerana itu yang terbaik untuk kita❤

    Like

  5. Normie Jean Galapon · · Reply

    Mishael, I have been a follower of your Instagram for the past nearly 5 years and have always been intrigued by your style, natural beauty, beauty tips and love for your son. It was really random how I stumbled upon your Instagram, but I think it was divine providence. I admire your strength and being true to yourself, no matter the circumstances that were trying to limit you. I am praying for you and cheering you on as you continue your journey; trust that God will always provide and carry you through. God bless always and know that you have a prayer warrior cheering you on all the way from Hawaii!

    Like

  6. Hi Mishael, this is Farah from ebooksforlifeig. I was shocked to hear about your divorce, cause like you said, you looked so happy on instagram and besides i thought you and ZZ looked great with each other. But being married for 7 years myself, i totally understand that a marriage isn’t what it may appear at all. With the in-laws and in your case, a stepdaughter. It can’t have been easy. And i also understand 100% about being a “defying” Muslim wife. I go through that too, tbh. But all in all, i find you, Mishael, to be very inspiring and strong. I on the other hand, maybe wouldn’t be as strong as you are now if i were in your shoes. I have a 6 year-old son and I can’t even imagine myself without my husband. But that’s maybe because i’m not as independent as you are. You are great, Mishael. Don’t let others say you’re any less than that. I’ll keep you in my prayers and insyAllah, He will ease it for you. Amiin.

    Like

  7. Tazmania88 · · Reply

    Allah maha mengetahui.DIA tarik apa yg kita ada, sebab DIA nak bagi yg lebih baik..stay strong k adik..

    Like

  8. You are strong women…. InshaAllah ada hikmah disebaliknya..

    Like

  9. I understand and can feel how’s your feeling happiness after divorce (hilang all burden in me). Even my lawyer told me..orang lain sedih. But you are soo happy. I was at your place nine yrs ago.

    Married for 11 yrs with kids and living in anxiety. My happy married on 1st yr only. The rest jadi tukang ikut dan dengar saja. My 11 yrs marriage burst without gaduh. But he refused to lepas talak. I had to go to court 3x. Finally baru let go. Alhamdulillah.

    After a few years after divorced life, I still living in anxiety. I put away those anxiety feeling from my life gradually.

    Fyi..my ex NEVER pay nafkah/support our living until now (intai he enjoying Europe with friends, golf etc).
    This year mark me 9yrs living as single mom. Kids never ask anything about their dad. Happily being single. Peduli la apa orang nak kata. They are not in our shoes. Alhamdulillah our rezeki bertambah after divorced.

    Stay strong 💪💪

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: